jelly-bean-jones:

I mean I agree. I don’t really try and defend my absurd inner BonKai fangirl either way because he still was a sociopathic murderer before the merge and tried to kill Bonnie like, a lot, but I suppose that is true to some degree.

I disagree with this on a lot of levels mainly because there are a lot of people such as myself who ship this as a dark ship pre-merge and all. And even if that wasn’t a factor that doesn’t really scratch the surface of the differences.

1. Chemistry: The reason why in spite of everything you love Bonkai but not Delena, and the same with most Bonkai fans, very few like Delena and that’s because their chemistry doesn’t have the draw of Bonkai. It’s visceral, it’s there the moment their on screen together. While Delena it’s lacking in a lot of ways mainly with how they portraying the characters together. They kept trying to convince us that they were explosive and had so much sexual tension, and what they ended up giving us was a repetitive mess.
2. Power Dynamics: While Damon and Kai have hurt both girls there is a vast difference in the power each girl has to defend herself. Not only that but there’s a vast difference in why they’re hurting them. Kai hurts Bonnie in response to her hurting him. His attacks aren’t completely unwarranted because how are you supposed to treat the girl who killed you with a pickaxe? And in kind, Bonnie can, and will, defend herself with the same force he uses. Elena can’t do that, but worse, she won’t, and Damon knows that. He holds all the cards–even admits it in season 8–Elena forgives him for everything. And when Damon hurts Elena it’s completely unwarranted. Boo Hoo, his feelings are hurt, that doesn’t warrant bodily harm to her and her loved ones.
3. Relationship Dynamic: As much as Plec would like to believe that Delena is a dark ship, it isn’t. It doesn’t have any of the elements of a dark ship but it does have the elements of an abusive relationship which would be dark if that’s how the relationship was played narratively. Delena, of course, was meant to be the bad boy tamed by the good girl and then is redeemed (which I’d like to note isn’t dark either, so Plec was failing even more than already was). The problem with this is Damon is never “tamed” which weirdly makes complete sense because he never has any consequences from Elena or anyone. Further, she tried to have Elena “corrupted” to tack on to the “dark ship” thing she was going for but that doesn’t work either because Elena has about as much character development as Damon does, i.e none. So what you end up with is the mess that is season 5 where the dark dynamic is forced through an on and off again relationship. That’s not dark, that’s just ship wank. Bonkai have that dark dynamic Plec was going but never had the presence of mind to create. It mostly happens due to the chemistry of the actors. When Bonnie objects to something Kai does, she truly does object and does something about it, but what separates it from the generic villain/hero dynamic is the underlying sexual tension. Every scene Chris and Kat make it seem like they want to jump each others bones but without losing sight of the characters or their motivations. You don’t have that with DE. Elena voices her displeasure with Damon, but a) never does anything about, b) keeps “hoping” he’ll get better, and c) there isn’t the same tension there as there’s with BK. You don’t feel like they want to be together, and that’s due to Nina and Ian not being able to convey what Plec wants which I guess comes down to chemistry again. And then there’s the matter of corruption, what truly dips into the depths of darkness. Kai had an effect on Bonnie, when she came back she was more fierce, selfish, and cut throat. They weren’t even a couple and he had more of an effect on her than Damon ever did Elena. The most he did was make her slightly more dismissive than she already was (and trust me she was always that flippant, she’s always been blinded by the dick).
4. Likability: Let’s face, as characters Bonnie and Kai have a lot more to offer in general, but are also just simply more likable. Elena, as much as they tried to make her relatable, she just became the the bland damsel in distress, and Damon, he was a character with absolutely zero motivations so he just came off as an asshole. Together they were so insufferable they tanked the ratings. Bonnie and Kai actually saved the show, they were the reason for the boost in ratings because Kai was the first interesting new character in a while, and Bonnie was finally getting some much needed screen time and development, and together on screen they were explosive. They were finally the edgy ship the show had been waiting for, but got cut for bland and blander’s repetitive nightmare.